By Michael Gurian

Parents these days are bombarded with worries when it comes to their children's future, and even more so in the face of constant messages about what parents are supposed to be doing and whether what they are doing is enough.

I coined the phrase "social trends parenting" to refer to the current system of raising children by focusing on parenting fads and experts' tips. Instead of doing that, we should let the individual natures of our children help to show us what they need now and for later in life.

The following are some "social trends" myths you should guard against while working to nurture your child's nature in ways that will help him or her become a healthy adult.

Myth No. 1: I must sign up my child for every activity that could build his or her cognitive, emotional or social skills. My child is a blank slate, and to fit in the world one day, he or she needs to know and do everything that might be useful.

Truth: Your child's core nature will guide what activities are the best fit, taking into account individual learning patterns and interests. Sign up your child for a few activities compatible with that core nature. The child will succeed because his or her confidence, passions and innate, developing sense of life purpose will be revealed with the help of a few primary activities and skills.

Myth No. 2: For boys to become good men and good husbands in the future, they need to learn, as children, how to talk about their feelings at every possible opportunity.

Truth: We can help boys become good men by helping them understand their inherent communication and emotional skills. Encouraging emotional communication is important. But a man who doesn't talk about his feelings as readily as a woman does still can be a great husband and father.

Myth No. 3: For girls to be successful later in life, they must be bold and aggressive. If your daughter doesn't act that way, her self-esteem is probably low.

Truth: Like boys, each girl is born with an individual way of doing things and moving in the world; shyness is not the same thing as low self-esteem (shyness is carried on our DNA). Unpopular, unassertive, unaggressive girls can become just as successful as aggressive ones. A girl's actions and communication will let you know what she needs.

Child development expert Michael Gurian is author of "The Wonder of Boys" and "Nurture the Nature: Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Unique Core Personality" (Jossey-Bass), in stores this week.