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Nurture
the Nature:
Understanding
and Supporting Your
Child's Unique Core Personality
(Jossey-Bass,
April, 2007)
by
Michael
Gurian
 To
Order
CURRENT
TRENDS IN PARENTING ARE HARMING AMERICA’S CHILDREN, SAYS
BESTSELLING AUTHOR
Children
who are always
on
the go. Tests and
competitions to get
youngsters into the “best” schools. Social
criteria that dictate how a
child should behave, play,
and act at
specific ages, even if their brain development is different than the
trend. These are
all symptoms of “social
trends
parenting,” says family therapist and educator Michael Gurian
in his
new book NURTURE THE NATURE: Understanding
and Supporting Your Child’s
Unique Core Personality.
Gurian
coined the phrase
“social trends parenting” to refer to our current
media-saturated
system of
raising kids that focuses on constantly changing social fads, experts,
and
infotainments, instead of a child’s unique and individual
nature. Some of the
social trends that blindside
parents are extensive television and computer use; the anxiety many
parents
feel about not doing enough for their children; and the negative impact
that
over-scheduling can have on children of all ages.
In NURTURE
THE NATURE, Gurian argues that children are not
blank slates to be shaped as we
wish. Rather, each
is born with a
unique core nature--specific needs, strengths, vulnerabilities, and
learning
style--that cannot be adequately supported with a one-size-fits all
approach. “Social
trends parenting does
not focus on who our children are,” says Gurian,
“and it works against
the core
nature of the individual child, causing children and families to suffer
unnecessary anxiety and chronic stress.”
Drawing
on twenty-five
years of academic research and clinical field study, The Gurian
Institute’s
work with hundreds of school districts and thousands of parents
nationwide, as
well as the latest research in brain science in child and adolescent
development, Gurian provides readers with the tools they need to
uncover their
child’s core nature – who their child really is
– so each child can
flourish
and thrive. He
explains, for example,
that a toddler’s temper tantrum is an internal process that
is
necessary for
emotional growth – parts of the brain literally swell and
it’s hard to
calm
down without the significant outburst of adrenaline that we know as a
tantrum. Depending
on their core
nature, some toddlers are innately better at exploiting their parents
through
the use of tantrums than others. Gurian
advises parents whose toddler routinely throws severe tantrums to let
the child
have the tantrum – even leave the room if the environment is
safe and
appropriate – and pre-determine an amount of time before
stepping in.
For
each stage of
development, Gurian describes what parents should be aware of when
relating to
their children as they grow. For
example, he notes that four to six year-olds become naturally attracted
to
“things”, and explains how parents can protect
their children from the
dangers
of materialism. He
also includes
solutions from real-life parents, such as Hannah, a mother of three in
Houston,
who had her children give away a toy every time they got a new toy,
starting
when they were four years old. For
parents of adolescents, it’s crucial that they help their
children
learn full
coping skills for crises and setbacks. Here,
Gurian tells the story of
Breva, a thirteen year-old
hospitalized
for anorexia, but who, with the
support of her
family,
was able to get the help she needed, and find her purpose in life.
“This family
made meaning and mission out of crisis – supporting an
individuating
core
nature, supporting maturity,” says Gurian.
Gurian also tackles such
issues as the natural differences between boys and girls, and the
profound impact
diet and sleep have on a child’s moods and
relationships.
When it comes to how much media – including
television, movies, videogames, computer time, and iPod use –
is
appropriate
for developing young minds, Gurian recommends parents to be aware of
particular
signals that indicate their child’s relationships are being
stifled.
“A sedentary life in front of the screen
cuts off a child from other relationships with parents, extended
family, faith
communities, healthy peers, and many others who are the
brain’s real
food of
life,” says Gurian. However, he also
warns that screen time is not evil. “To
overreact to it would be to grab onto yet another social trend
– this
one
saying, ‘media is bad.’ ”
Ultimately, Michael
Gurian’s nurture-the-nature system is not just one technique
or
science: It is a worldview that recognizes that
children do not have to fit a certain mold to be successful.
Powerful and insightful, NURTURE
THE NATURE
is a
revolutionary
parenting guide for people who want to understand and support each of
their
children’s core natures.
 Reviews
of the Book:
"In NURTURE
THE NATURE, Michael Gurian presents an in-depth, chapter-by-chapter
analysis of child development, beginning at infancy and ending in early
adulthood. Gurian's presentation is comprehensive and peppered with
fascinating facts. The author's new text will help parents begin, in
the tradition of Maria Montessori, to "follow the child," rather than
adapt their kids to a contemporary one-size-fits-all mold."
— Publisher's Weekly, May 2007
"(Nurture
the
Nature is) important and liberating...knowing your child is the
best parenting advice of all."
— Library Journal, May 2007
"Nurture
the
Nature is as scientifically sound as it is humane.."
— Harold Koplewicz, M.D., Chairman,
Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, New York University
"Nurture
the
Nature is thorough, thoughtful, accurate, and brilliant. The
science is
sound and well researched."
— Daniel Amen, M.D., author, Making a Good
Brain Great
"Michael
Gurian has once again produced a magnificent book on children, this one
showing us how to appreciate and indeed capitalize on the unique nature
within each child. Nurture
the Nature should be mandatory reading for
parents who want their children to mature into happy healthy human
beings which is of course all of us!"
— Dr.
Tracey J. Shors, department of
psychology, Center for Collaborative Neuroscience, Rutgers University
"Nurture
the
Nature is up-to-the-minute, filled with wisdom, and an intensely
moral
book, concerned with helping a child develop a sense of purpose in
life, and promoting self-reliance and self-discipline in
children. Both as a mother and a psychologist, I could not put
this book down!"
—
Judith Kleinfeld, professor of psychology,
University of Alaska, and national director of The Boys Project
"As
a parent
myself, I believe one of the greatest challenges to parenting well is
to see who your individual child really is. Nurture
the Nature
gives parents the ability to do just that--and to understand the
complex issues that shape our children today."
— Rosalind
Wiseman, author of QUEEN BEES AND
WANNABES
"A
wealth of
practical advice on how to escape the competitive pressure of social
trends parenting and instead nurture the core nature of your child."
— Michele
Borba, Ed.D., author, 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know and Building
Moral Intelligence
©
2008 The Gurian Institute
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